May a person attend the wedding of his or her child during mourning? For example, if a man lost his mother, Heaven forbid, and within the twelve-month mourning period his son gets married, may the father attend the wedding?
This question was addressed by the Sedeh Hemed (Rav Haim Hizkiya Medini of Hebron, 1833-1905), who ruled that a mourner may attend his or her child’s wedding after the first seven days of Abelut (mourning). Even though the parent is still within the first thirty days or twelve months after the passing, he or she may attend the child’s wedding. This is also the ruling of Rav Moshe Feinstein (Russia-New York, 1895-1986), in his work Iggerot Moshe (Y.D. 2:169). Rav Moshe goes so far as to permit a mourner to attend his or her child’s wedding within the first week of mourning. Hacham Ovadia Yosef disputes this ruling, and permits a mourner to attend his or her child’s wedding only after the first seven days of mourning.
This Halacha applies to both the Hupa ceremony as well as the festive meal, and it applies even if life music is played at the wedding. The parent may attend the wedding in its entirety, so long as the first seven days of mourning have passed. In fact, the parent may also attend the "Sheba Berachot" celebrations held during the week after the wedding.
Rav Shemuel Pinhasi (contemporary), in his work Haim Va’hesed, writes that it is preferable for a mourner attending his or her child’s wedding to "work" at the wedding in some capacity, such as by serving some of the food. This way, the parent’s participation at the wedding will be justified on the basis of the service he or she is providing. Indeed, some have the custom in such a case to bring sweets to the wedding and distribute them to the guests, so that the parent will be considered as a "worker," and not merely as a participant in the festivities.
Rav Moshe Feinstein addresses the case of a husband whose wife is in mourning but nevertheless insists that she join him at a celebration, such as a wedding. Even though it is generally forbidden to attend a celebration during the twelve months after a parent’s death, Rav Moshe allows a woman to attend in the situation described, in the interest of "Shalom Bayit" (peaceful relations between husband and wife). If her refusal to join her husband could potentially cause marital friction, Rav Moshe writes, then she should attend despite her status of Abelut. Rav Moshe notes that a woman’s obligation to honor her husband takes precedence over the honor due to her parents, even during her parents’ lifetime. Certainly, then, she should afford precedence to her husband’s honor after a parent’s passing, and she should therefore agree to join her husband. Of course, if such a situation arises the couple should first consult a competent Halachic authority for guidance.
Summary: It is permissible to attend one’s child’s wedding during the period of mourning, after the first seven days of Abelut. Preferably, in such a case the mourner should assume some role in serving the guests at the wedding. If a woman is in mourning for a parent and her husband asks that she nevertheless attend a wedding or other celebration with him, they should consult a Rabbi for guidance, as it may be permissible for her to attend in the interest of marital harmony.
