*** This Halacha deals with topic of Yichud. Yichud is the concept that a man may not be secluded with a forbidden woman. Please read all the Halachot on this topic as there are conditions and exclusions that must be fully understood before accepting Lema’ase. ***
We have learned that there is a leniency in the laws of Yichud, which is called the leniency of Ba’Ala Ba’Ir. This is a leniency that gives permission to a married lady to be secluded with another man so long as her husband is nearby in town. But there is a condition to this leniency. A woman may rely on the leniency of Ba’Al Ba’Ir under the condition that she does not have a close bond with the other man. The Gemara refers to this bond as ‘Libo Gasba.’
What is Libo Gasba? Rashi explains this as a relationship whereby there is a close friendship, interactions, considerable communication, etc. This type of relationship can exist among friends, and more likely even among relatives. And it is such a relationship that invalidates the leniency of Ba’Ala Ba’Ir, for there is concern and suspicion that friendship of this nature might lead to transgression. So one may use the leniency of Ba’Ala Ba’Ir only when the seclusion is with a stranger, or with a neighbor, or with any person who is not a close associate, relative, or friend.
One must judge for themself when faced with the question of ‘Libo Gasba.’ One must ask himself if the other person is a close friend or not. Friendship can lead to transgression, so one must be very careful and side with caution when analyzing the relationship.
One example that is commonly discussed and evaluated is when a father in-law is faced being secluded with his daughter in-law. It can easily happen where the husband is late, or not present, and the daughter in-law finds herself being alone with her father in-law. Is this permissible or not? Well, if the relationship between father in-law and daughter in-law is healthy and in good favor, then there would definitely be a problem and they may not rely on the leniency of Ba’Ala Ba’Ir. And conversely, if the relationship between the two is not so good, then there would be no problem, and they would be able to rely on the leniency. So, bottom line is that one has to judge the situation and determine if there a relationship of ‘Gasba’ or not.
Another example that is commonly at question are relationships in the work place. It is quite common that colleagues develop a close relationship and friendship. And therefore, one must be careful in the workplace and not rely on the leniency of Ba’Ala Ba’Ir if there is a close relationship with his/her peer. Now, there are ways to alleviate the Yichud issues when engaged in meetings. One way is to keep the door open, and another way is to keep the door unlocked, with the logic being in both solutions that others have the ability to walk in at any time. **Please see the Daily Halacha entitled "Yichud- How The Laws of Yichud Apply In An Office" for more details of Yichud in the work place as there are many restrictions in this regard.
The question was asked in this regard about an adopted child. Can an adopted son be secluded with his step mother? On this, there is a great Machloket among the Poskim. And on this one must turn to his own Rabbi for guidance. Normally mothers and fathers may be alone with their children, grandchildren, etc., but here in this case the son is not the natural child of the mother. Now of course mother and adopted son develop a ‘Gasba’ relationship, so the question is asked if they can be secluded together. This is a heavy question and there is Machloket on this question among the Poskim, and so again, one should check with their Rabbi.
To review, the leniency of Ba’Ala Ba’Ir does not apply and a married lady may not be secluded with another man, if she has a close relationship with that man even though her husband is nearby in town.
