Is it permissible for somebody who is in mourning, Heaven forbid – either within twelve months of a parent’s passing or thirty days of another family member’s passing – to attend a party held to celebrate Hanukah, or would this violate the laws of Abelut (mourning)?
There is a debate between Ashkenazim and Sepharadim as to whether a mourner may attend a Se’udat Misva – a celebration that constitutes a Misva. Whereas Ashkenazim forbid a mourner’s participation in a Se’udat Misva, Sephardic custom allows a mourner to attend such a celebration, as long as no music is played. Thus, for example, according to Sephardic practice, it is permissible for a mourner to attend a Siyum Masechet (a party celebrating the completion of a tractate of Talmud), as long as no music is played at the celebration.
Accordingly, the question becomes whether a Hanukah celebration qualifies as a "Se’udat Misva." If such a party indeed has the Halachic status of "Se’udat Misva," then a mourner would be allowed to participate according to the custom of the Sepharadim.
The Shulhan Aruch rules that there is no obligation to eat festive meals on Hanukah; such meals on optional. Seemingly, then, we should conclude that a Hanukah celebration does not qualify as a "Se’udat Misva," and a mourner may therefore not attend. In truth, however, this is not the case. Despite the fact that festive meals are optional on Hanukah, if a Hanukah meal is accompanied by words of Torah, as is customarily the case, it indeed attains the status of "Se’udat Misva." Therefore, as long as no music is played, a mourner may attend a Hanukah celebration, because words of Torah are shared at the event. One who wishes to be stringent in this regard may excuse himself from the celebration, but according to the strict Halacha as practiced by Sepharadim, a mourner may attend a Hanukah celebration.
Summary: According to Sephardic practice, a mourner – either within twelve months of a parent’s passing or thirty days of another family member’s passing – may attend a Hanukah party, as long as no music is played and words of Torah are spoken at the event.
