A situation arose, unfortunately, over this past Pesah where a woman’s family member passed away during Pesah, such that her Shiba observance was delayed until after the holiday. In such a case, where a family member passes away during the holiday and Shiba begins afterward, the mourner in the interim period does not observe public mourning practices, but does observe those mourning practices that apply in private. As it turned out, the woman in this case was scheduled to immerse in the Mikveh in that interim period, during Hol Ha’mo’ed, and her husband was urging her to immerse. Would she be permitted to immerse and leave her status of Nidda in the interest of Shalom Bayit (marital harmony), or must she wait until after Shiba?
The work Shemen Ha’mish’ha allows the woman to immerse in this case, invoking the concept of "Sefek Sefeka" ("double doubt"). First, there is the view of the Rambam (Rabbi Moshe Maimonides, Spain-Egypt, 1135-1203) who maintained that no mourning practices are observed on holidays, even those that apply in private. According to this view, it would certainly be permissible for a woman to immerse during this interim period. And although the Shulhan Aruch (Orah Haim 548) rules against the Rambam’s postion, and requires a mourner during this period to observe private mourning practices, the Rambam’s view can be taken into account to create a Safek (doubt). Secondly, there is the view of Tosefot and the Rashba permitting a woman to immerse even during the Shiba mourning period. This position creates a second Safek, thus allowing us to permit a woman in such a case to immerse during Hol Ha’mo’ed.
Hacham Ovadia Yosef discusses this ruling of the Shemen Ha’mish’ha in his work Yabia Omer (vol. 4), and disagrees. He writes that once Halacha forbids marital relations for a mourner during Hol Ha’mo’ed, there is no reason for a woman in such a case to immerse. Even if we accept this Sefek Sefeka, when all is said and done, the couple will still be forbidden to engage in relations until after Shiba, and there is thus no reason for the woman to immerse in a Mikveh.
Rav Shemuel Pinhasi, in his work Haim Va’hesed (p. 191; listen to audio recording for precise citation), notes that immersion might still be beneficial in that it allows the couple to engage in other forms of contact, such as touching, passing objects to one another, and, according to some authorities, even affectionate contact. In a case where the husband wants his wife to immerse so he can engage in these forms of contact, as he feels that this will satisfy his needs, then, according to Rav Pinhasi, the woman may immerse in a Mikveh. However, he advises that in such a case she should go to a Mikveh where people do not know her, as it would look improper if people who know her see her immersing in a Mikveh right after a family member’s passing.
Summary: If a person’s family member passes away, Heaven forbid, during a holiday, the Shiba mourning period begins only after the holiday, but even in the interim marital relations are forbidden. As such, if a woman in such a case is scheduled to immerse in the Mikveh during this interim period, she does not immerse, unless the husband very much wants her to immerse so that other forms of physical contact will be permissible. In such situations she should try to go to a Mikveh where people do not know her.
