A question was recently asked by a man whose father passed away when he was fourteen years old, and since his family at the time was not fully observant, he did not observe Abelut (mourning) for his father. Now, as a grown adult who observes Halacha, it occurred to him that perhaps he should be required to observe Abelut for his father, which he had not done after his father’s passing. Must he observe mourning practices such as sitting on the ground, rending his garments and reciting Kiddush, or do these observances apply only at the actual time of the parent’s death?
The Shulhan Aruch, in the laws of Abelut, rules that generally speaking, if one did not rend his garment over a family member before the end of the Shiba, he does not rend his garment afterward. The exception to this rule, however, is the case of a deceased parent. If one did not rend his garments upon the death of a father and mother, regardless of whether this was accidental or intentional, he must rend his garments, even many years later. There is a difference of opinion among the Halachic authorities as to whether one recites a Beracha when he rends his garment over a parent after the Shiba. Hacham Ovadia Yosef, in his responsum on this issue (Yabia Omer, Yoreh De’a 25:4), rules that a Beracha is not recited when one performs Keri’a (rending of the garment) later than the time when it is supposed to be done.
Thus, the individual in the case under discussion must rend his shirt, without a Beracha. It should be noted that Keri’a for a parent is performed by tearing the shirt on the left side, the side of the heart, and the tear should be at least one Tefah (handbreadth) long. The individual should wear the shirt for a brief period of time, and he may then remove it.
All other laws of Abelut, however, do not apply in this case. Rav Shemuel Pinhasi (contemporary Halachic authority in Jerusalem), in his work on Abelut (15:12), writes that one who did not mourn for a deceased relative during the Shiba must do so only if he is still within thirty days of the death. After thirty days, however, there is no longer any requirement to observe mourning practices (with the exception of Keri’a for a parent, as discussed). Therefore, in the case under discussion, the individual must perform Keri’a, but does not observe the other practices of Abelut.
Summary: One who did not observe Abelut after a family member’s death, such as if he was not Halachically observant at the time, does not observe Abelut once thirty days have passed since the family member’s death. The exception to this rule is the obligation to rend a garment for the death of a parent, which applies forever. However, no Beracha is recited when rending the garment after the time when this is supposed to be done.
