During the twelve months after a parent’s death, Heaven forbid, or within thirty days of another family member’s death, a person is forbidden from attending festive events. The question arises, however, as to whether one may attend during this period events that are a Misva, such as a Berit Mila, Pidyon Ha’ben, Hanukat Ha’bayit or Bar Misva.
Hacham Ovadia Yosef (listen to audio recording for precise citation) rules that strictly speaking, it is permissible for a person during Abelut (mourning) to attend a Pidyon Ha’ben or Berit Mila celebration, provided that no music is played. One may even sit and eat at the festive meal. Hacham Ovadia applies this ruling also to a Siyum celebration and a Bar Misva celebration, though, as mentioned, a mourner’s participation is allowed only if music is not played at the affair. However, he adds, a person observing Abelut may not attend a Sheba Berachot celebration, even if music is not played.
Although this is the law according to the strict Halacha, Hacham Ovadia notes that many people follow the custom to forbid attendance at such celebrations during Abelut, even if no music is played. Instead, they attend the ceremony of the Pidyon Ha’ben, for example, or the circumcision, and perhaps take some food with them, but they do not sit down and eat with the other guests. This seems to be the practice in our community.
It should be noted that even according to this custom, it is permissible for a person observing Abelut to attend a Hanukat Ha’bayit held on the occasion of moving into a new home. This event involves merely the reading of Pesukim, and is not especially festive, and there is thus no reason for a person not to attend such a function during Abelut. Hacham Ovadia also notes in this context that a person observing Abelut may be called to the Torah for one of the special Aliyot – Hatan Torah or Hatan Bereshit – on Simhat Torah.
Summary: Strictly speaking, one is allowed during the thirty days of mourning after a family member’s death, or the twelve month after a parent’s death, to attend a Misva celebration such as a Pidyon Ha’ben or Berit Mila, provided that no music is played. Practically, however, the accepted practice in our community is to allow mourners to attend only the ceremony itself, but not to participate in the festive meal. Even according to this custom, one may attend a Hanukah Ha’bayit, and be called for Hatan Torah or Hatan Bereshit on Simhat Torah.
