The Shulhan Aruch, toward the beginning of the Even Ha’ezer section (Siman 2; listen to audio recording for precise citation), emphasizes the importance of ensuring to choose as a wife a woman who is "Haguna" ("proper"). This means that one must choose a wife who acts in a proper, dignified manner, and not immodestly, and that she comes from a family without any disqualifications. For example, one must ensure that there is no issue of "Mamzerut" (a person born from an illicit relationship) in the family, and, if one is a Kohen, he must ensure that the family is free from "Halalut" (marriages forbidden for Kohanim, such as a divorcee).
The Shulhan Aruch warns that if a person marries a woman from a family with a Pesul ("deficiency" in their lineage, that renders the woman disqualified for marriage), then "Eliyahu records it, the Almighty seals it and declares, ‘Woe unto him who disqualifies his offspring and puts a stain on his family." In the future, the Shulhan Aruch adds, "Eliyahu binds him and the Almighty flogs him." The Gemara similarly comments that if a person marries an unsuitable woman because of her beauty, or for her wealth, then he will beget children who act improperly, and he will not even be able to keep the money he had hoped to obtain through this improper marriage.
This applies only if a person marries a woman who is not "Haguna" for these reasons. But if a person marries a proper woman for her appearance or for money, there is no transgression involved. Even if he would not have married her otherwise, this is considered a valid and appropriate marriage, since she is, after all, a proper, upstanding woman. The Aruch Ha’shulhan (Rabbi Yechiel Michel Epstein of Nevarduk, 1829-1908; listen to audio recording for precise citation) adds that to the contrary, a capable Torah student who aspires to be a Torah scholar should try to marry a woman whose family can support him so he can devote his time to Torah learning. Indeed, the Aruch Ha’shulhan observes, it is customary for wealthy parents to choose a budding Torah scholar to marry their daughter and support him for several years to allow him to learn full-time free from the responsibility of supporting a family.
The Aruch Ha’shulhan writes, however, that if a girl’s parents promised the groom a certain amount of support, and then, for whatever reason, they are unable to fulfill this commitment, it is improper for the groom to break the engagement or demand the money that was promised. Even though the match was made on the assumption that the groom would receive a certain amount of money, it is inappropriate for the groom to argue with the family if, for example, their business or investments did not succeed and they cannot fulfill their commitment. The Aruch Ha’shulhan writes that money obtained through this sort of quarreling and manipulation will not bring blessing or success, and this is not considered "kosher money." The groom should rather accept the situation, and in the merit of his avoiding conflict, the marriage will succeed and God will provide him with a livelihood. The Aruch Ha’shulhan goes so far as to say that if a groom persists in his demands, then he is considered akin to somebody who marries an unsuitable woman for money.
Clearly, however, it is strictly forbidden for a girl’s parents to dishonestly make promises to a prospective match that they do not intend to keep. The Aruch Ha’shulhan decries the practice of those who, eager to find a good match for their daughter, offer large sums of money to a desirable young man, with the intention of then reneging on their promise after the engagement is announced. As great a Misva as it is to marry off a daughter, it does not justify dishonesty. But from the groom’s perspective, even if he was promised support, and the girl’s parents then inform him that they are unable to provide what they had promised, he should not break the engagement or create a conflict over money.
Summary: A man should ensure that the woman he marries is a woman of upstanding character, and that her lineage is suitable. It is acceptable to marry a woman for money, provided that she is a woman with good character and a suitable lineage, and it is indeed customary for promising Torah students to marry into a wealthy family so they can pursue their Torah studies after marriage unencumbered. However, if a groom was promised support by the girl’s parents, and they cannot, for whatever reason, fulfill their commitment, it is inappropriate for the groom to break the engagement or instigate a conflict. He should instead accept the situation, and in the merit of his maintaining peace he will be blessed with success.
