Does the Misva of Kibud Ab Va’em – honoring parents – require a grown child to live near his parents so he can care for them, or simply because they want to be near him? Or is one allowed to live wherever he pleases, regardless of his parents’ preference?
Numerous sources indicate that one must, indeed, live near his parents. The Gemara comments that Yaakob Abinu was punished for the years he spent away from his parents, Yishak and Ribka, clearly implying that one must live near his parents so he can fulfill the Misva of Kibud Ab Va’em. The Maharil (Rav Yaakob Halevi Mollin, Germany, 1365-1427), as recorded in his "Likkutim," ruled explicitly that a person should live near his parents (listen to audio recording for precise citation). Some inferred this ruling from the comments of the Rambam (Rabbi Moshe Maimonides, Spain-Egypt, 1135-1204), who writes that if a person’s parent became senile, then the son should move somewhere else – implying that under normal circumstances one should live near his parents. Furthermore, the Sefer Ha’hasidim (by Rabbenu Yehuda Ha’hasid, Germany, 1150-1217) writes that if one’s parents instruct him not to get married, because they are afraid that he would then move away, he should not listen to them; rather, he should get married and live with or near his parents. Once again, we see that if the parents want their child to live near them, then he should accede to their wishes. The Midrashic volume Yalkut Reubeni similarly comments, "It is an honor for a parent to live near his children." This is also the position of the Aruch Ha’shulhan (Rav Yehiel Michel Epstein of Nevarduk, 1829-1908), who writes that a person does not have to accede to his parents’ demand that he not go away from town to learn Torah. The Gemara writes that Yaakob was not punished for the years he spent away from home learning in the yeshiva of Shem and Eber, thus demonstrating that one may leave his parents’ town – even against their wishes – for the purpose of learning Torah. Otherwise, however, one must remain near his parents.
This is, indeed, the Halacha. Just as one must acquire Tefillin so he can fulfill the Misva of Tefillin each day, similarly, one must ensure to live near his parents so he can fulfill the important Torah obligation of Kibud Ab Va’em. Even if the parents do not need their child to care for them, nevertheless, if they want him to live near them, he should accede to their wishes.
There are, however, several important exceptions to this rule. The Aruch Ha’shulhan rules that if one needs to move away for purposes of earning a living – meaning, his job requires him to relocate – then he may move away even against his parents’ wishes. Furthermore, if living near one’s parents may threaten his Shalom Bayit (peace in the home), such as if they will meddle in his personal affairs and interfere with his marriage, then he may move away. Certainly, if there are no suitable options for one’s children’s Jewish education in the area where his parents live, then he may move elsewhere for the sake of his children’s education. And, it goes without saying that if the parents approve of their child’s decision to move away, then he is permitted to do so.
Summary: The Misva of honoring parents requires a person to live near his parents, unless they do not mind if he lives elsewhere, or if he must live somewhere else for reasons such as work or his children’s education, or if he fears his parents may interfere with his marriage.
