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Today's Halacha:
The Ben Ish Hai (Rabbi Yosef Haim of Baghdad, 1833-1909), in Parashat Shoftim, emphasizes the importance of the Misva of "Simhat Hatan Ve’kala" – rejoicing and celebrating with a bride and groom (listen to audio recording for precise citation). This Misva is so significant, in fact, that Rabbi Ovadia of Bartenura (Italy-Israel, 1445-1524) mentions specifically this Misva as an example of loving kindness which constitutes one of three "pillars upon which the world stands" (Abot 1:1). Celebrating with a bride and groom is the quintessential example of kindness extended to another person.
The Ben Ish Hai writes that it is a Misva even to share words of humor with the newlywed couple to bring them joy. However, he warns, this Misva must not be used as an excuse for violating Halacha. For example, a man may not dress up in women’s clothing (or vice versa) for the purpose of entertaining a bride and groom. Likewise, it is forbidden to sing songs with inappropriate lyrics as part of the celebration. Certainly, the Ben Ish Hai stresses, it is strictly forbidden for men and women to dance together, or for women to dance in the presence of men (without a proper Mehisa between the men and the women). There is no basis at all for allowing these kinds of activities for the sake of a wedding celebration.
The Ben Ish Hai adds that there is a special Misva to have live music playing at a wedding to celebrate the occasion in a festive manner. Even if, Heaven forbid, the bride or groom is within twelve months of a parent’s passing, during which listening to music is forbidden, the Misva of the wedding celebration overrides the laws of mourning, and music should be played at the wedding.
The Ben Ish Hai relates that the Jews of Baghdad had a practice of inviting non-Jewish musicians to play music in the newlywed couple’s home after the prayers in the synagogue on the Shabbat after the wedding. Although the Shulhan Aruch allowed inviting gentiles to play music on Shabbat for this purpose, the Ben Ish Hai opposed this practice and succeeded in abolishing it from the Baghdadi Jewish community. Inviting gentiles to play music on Shabbat can easily lead to Halachic improprieties and to conduct that runs in direct opposition to the sanctity and serenity of Shabbat, and the Ben Ish Hai therefore forbade doing so even for the sake of celebrating with a bride and groom. We might add that certainly when a wedding is not celebrated, there is no room whatsoever to allow inviting gentiles to play music on Shabbat.
Summary: It is a very important Misva to celebrate with a newlywed couple at the wedding, with live music, dancing, and even humor. However, the celebration does not allow violating Halacha through inappropriate language, frivolity, mixed dancing and other improprieties. It is forbidden to invite non-Jewish musicians to play music on Shabbat for the newlywed couple (and this is certainly forbidden for any other purpose, as well).
