A situation recently arose concerning a family in Montreal who lost a relative, Heaven forbid, living in Miami. The family in Montreal did not to travel to join the other relatives at the funeral, which was held two days later, and they therefore faced the question of when to begin Aveilut (mourning). Does the period of Aveilut begin only after the funeral, in which they case they should call the relatives in Miami to find out when the funeral concluded and then begin Aveilut, or should they begin immediately? Although generally mourning observances begin only after the funeral, perhaps in this case, when the relatives are not attending the funeral, they should begin observing Aveilut immediately upon hearing of the unfortunate news.
This issue is subject to a debate among the Halachic authorities. Many authorities, including the Sedei Chemed (Rabbi Chayim Chizkiya Halevi, Israel, 1832-1904) and Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach (Israel, 1910-1995), ruled stringently, and held that the period of Aveilut cannot begin until after the funeral. Others, however, including Rabbi Moshe Feinstein (Russia-New York, 1895-1986), in his Iggerot Moshe (Yoreh Dei'a, vol. 1, 253), held that relatives who do not travel to the funeral begin observing Aveilut immediately upon learning of the passing. This is the view taken by Rabbi Shemuel Wosner (contemporary, Israel), in his work Shevet Ha'levi. Rabbi Shemuel Pinchasi, in his work Chayim Va'chesed (3:13), cites both opinions.
Chacham Ovadia Yosef (ibid) ruled that in situations where Yom Tov begins after the person's death but before the funeral, relatives who do not travel for the funeral may follow the lenient position and begin the Aveilut immediately. In such a case, following the stringent view would require delaying Aveilut until after Yom Tov, which might cause considerable difficulty. A person in this situation may therefore follow the lenient position and begin Aveilut immediately upon hearing of the relative's passing, such that the onset of Yom Tov will cancel the rest of Aveilut. In all other situations, however, Chacham Ovadia requires delaying Aveilut until after the funeral.
As for the final Halacha, from my consultation with several leading Rabbis in our community it emerges that we follow the lenient view, and allow mourners who are in a different city and are staying there, to begin observing Aveilut immediately. This applies to all cases of a person who does not attend a relative's funeral when in a distant location.
Summary: If a person loses a family member, Heaven forbid, in a distant location, and he does not travel to the funeral, some authorities maintain that he may begin Aveilut immediately, whereas others require that he delay Aveilut until after the funeral. The general practice in our community is to allow the individual to begin Aveilut immediately.
