Rabbi Mansour 2011
Shabbat Morning Class
פרשת ויקהל
This week’s Parasha details the various components of the Mishkan.
The Mishkan was where the presence of Hashem rested, as it says in the
Pasuk " ועשו לי מקדש "-"make for me a Mikdash". The word לי in the Pasuk
connects to another לי that we find in our religious ceremonies, and that is
the לי of " הרי את מקודשת לי " (behold you are sanctified unto me). These are
the words a groom tells his bride in order to bond with her in marriage.
Marriage, just like the Mishkan, brings down the presence of Hashem. "איש
ואשה שכינה שרויה ביניהם" -"when a man and woman unite in marriage, the
Shechinah of Hashem in amongst them.
The Tradition of Breaking a Glass under the Chupah
In this class, we analyze one of the highlights of the wedding
ceremony: when the Chatan steps on a glass and breaks it. What does this
act symbolize? Why is it such an integral part of the Chupah?? In today’s
class we offer a different reasons and explanations of this holy Minhag.
1. The basic reason for this custom is to remember the destruction of
the Bet Hamikdash. The Chatan reads the Pasuk "אם אשכחך ירושלים
תשכח ימיני" (if I forget Jerusalem, I should forget my right hand). The
Minhag is brought down by the Shulhan Aruch to put ashes on the
Chatan’s head in the place of the Tefillin (as the Pasuk says פאר תחת
אפר ), and the Ramah brings the custom to break the glass.
Now that the Bet Hamikdash is destroyed we can no longer bring
down the Shechina via the Mishkan or Mikdash. We therefore
commemorate a remembrance of the Bet Hamikdash specifically at a
wedding (as opposed to any other Simcha) since at a wedding the
Shechina comes down to the couple with the לי of " "הרי את מקודשת לי
which takes the place of the לי of " ועשו לי מקדש " . We also remind the
Chatan at his highest moment of joy, that no celebration is complete
as long as we do not have our Bet Hamikdash! The breaking of the
glass reminds the Chatan- and everyone attending his celebrationthat
our joy is incomplete until the Bet Hamikdash is rebuilt and that in
the absence of the Temple, it is weddings that play an integral role in
bringing down the Shechina.
2. The Gemarah Berachot ( דף ל ) tells a story about Mar the son of
Ravina who made a wedding for his son. During the wedding, Mar
realized that the rabbis were becoming overly frivolous; he took a
beautiful wine glass worth 400 zuz, and broke it before them. This
settled the Rabbi’s and returned them to their normal mood. Rav Ashi
as well, made a wedding for his son and felt the rabbis were behaving
with too much levity. He also took a glass, and smashed it. Thereby
startling the rabbis and bringing them "back down" to an acceptable
level of celebration. The Tosafot says that this Gemarah is the source
for breaking glass at a wedding. It helps remind people not to get too
carried away in their celebration which may lead to acting improperly.
According to this reason, breaking any type of glass item would serve
this purpose, not just a cup. Tosafot uses the words " לשבר זכוכית "-"to
break glass". In addition, according to this reason, breaking the glass
at any time- not just under the Chupah- would also serve the purpose
to help remind everyone not to get "carried away".
3. The great Rava would begin his discourses with " -"מילתא דבדיחותא
(light hearted words or jokes). Why would Rava begin a Torah class
with a joke?? This was in order to "throw a bone" to the Satan. As a
general rule, the Satan prosecutes; he tries to disrupt any goodness
that the Jews may enjoy. He attempts to block a Jew from learning
Torah, thereby meriting eternal blessing. We need to divert, the Satan
from focusing on us. If his mind is not on us, he will be too
preoccupied to attack us. This is why, on the holiest day of the year-
Yom Kippur- There is a ceremony in which a goat is thrown off a
mountain לעזזל . This seems to be a satanic ceremony! Throwing an
animal off a mountain and watch as it is torn to pieces!! The
explanation is that it is a satanic ceremony. This sacrifice is for the
Satan to partake of. While he is focusing on this goat, the Kohen
Gadol is free to perform the holy obligation of the day, without
interference from the Satan.
This is also a reason behind the obligation to wash Mayim
Acharonim after a meal. The Satan watches us enjoy a hearty meal,
and wishes to go prosecute us before Hashem and say; "did they
deserve to eat and enjoy like that with all the sins that they have
committed?!" For this reason, we wash our fingertips, this water is "for
the Satan" it’s a little something for him to keep busy and "forget"
about us. We must therefore be careful to discard, and not reuse this
water.
This is why as Raba was about to give over a Torah lesson, he
spoke lighthearted words. He knew the Satan was there; ready to
stop him from delivering his discourse. He therefore, "gave the Satan
something" by joking before the class thereby satisfying him and
Rava was now free to teach the holy words of Torah.
This explains a Pasuk in the Eishet Chayil, which we recite on
Friday nights, " פיה פתחה בחכמה ותורת חסד על לשונה ". In describing the
righteous woman, Shelomo Hamelech writes "her mouth opens with
wisdom and the Torah of kindness is on her tongue".
A woman is not obligated to learn Torah. Any Torah she learns
is therefore considered for her as "an extra". The Satan does not
bother a woman from learning, since she is not obligated to do so.
Therefore a woman is free to study Torah without fear of the Satan
disrupting her. For this reason, when a woman is about to deliver a
Torah class she does not need to "throw the Satan a bone". The
Satan in any case is not bothering her. The woman has no need to
begin her class with a joke as Rava did. We now understand the
Pasuk " פיה פתחה בחכמה "-"her mouth opens with wisdom. She may
open her words with Torah immediately, without having to make jokes
before she begins. Why is this? This is because " -"תורת חסד על לשונה
"her Torah is a Torah of חסד ". It is a Torah that - like חסד - is
something done that is above and beyond what is obligated for the
person, she is studying Torah even though she is not obligated and
therefore enjoys freedom from the Satan’s attacks. She does not
have to worry about him, and can therefore open up her words with
Torah.
This explains why the Chatan breaks the glass at the wedding.
A wedding is a very joyous occasion, and the Satan would like to use
the moment to prosecute against us. The Chatan therefore "gives
something to the Satan" the broken glass is for the Satan to keep, it
should be discarded (not to be saved, or be reconstructed!). Once the
Chatan breaks the glass and satisfies the Satan we are free to
celebrate without fear.
4. Shimon Hamsoni was known for his theory that every time the word
את appeared in the Torah it was to teach us something. His opinion
was that there were no Auxiliary words in the Torah, and every את
had a reason. He began to go through the entire Torah finding a
purpose for every את . He was almost done when he reached the
Pasuk " את ה' אלקים תירא "-"fear Hashem". What could the word את in a
Pasuk about fearing Hashem include?! What could be equal to
Hashem that we must fear?! Shimon Hamsoni was stumped. He
concluded that since he could not figure out a need for this את , his
entire theory must have been flawed.
כשם שקבלתי שכר על הדרישה כך אני מקבל שכר על הפרישה" "-"just as I
have received reward for expounding (the words of Torah) so too I
will receive reward for abstaining". With this, Shimon Hamsoni
"walked away" from what he had been working on for so many years!
Until R’ Akibah came along and expounded that the word את in the
Pasuk " את ה' אלקים תירא " comes to include an obligation to fear the
Rabbis. A person must fear the Talmid Hacham just as he fears
Hashem. With this, he reestablished the theory of Shimon Hamsoni
that every word את in the Torah is for a reason. R’ Mordechai Gifter
zt’l asks, what was R’ Akibah’s inspiration to interpret the את in the
Pasuk as an obligation to fear Rabbis, just like you fear Hashem?? It
was Shimon Hamsoni himself!! R’ Akibah just witnessed Shimon- a
rabbi who toiled so many years to validate his theory- simply walk
away from all those years of work because he felt it must not have
been accurate since he couldn’t figure this את out! What honesty and
integrity!! This was a prime example of the selflessness of Rabbis! R’
Akibah saw this, and was prompted to interpret the את as an
obligation to fear these great Rabbis just as one fears Hashem!!
There is a story of R’ Shlomo Zalman Auerbach zt’l who was
invited to give a model Shiur to some students. This was R’ Shlomo
Zalman’s "interview", to see what kind of class he was able to deliver.
The Rabbi prepared a complex and lengthy Shiur. Midway into it, one
of the students asked a question. The Rabbi pondered the question
for a moment, and then said aloud "I must have been mistaken". He
closed his Sefarim and explained that this boys question proved his
premise incorrect, and he could not continue because he now felt that
what he had been saying was wrong! When the Rabbis who were
watching saw such an honest and self effacing Rabbi, they
immediately hired him to be the Rabbi in their Yeshiva.
The classic example of this trait is when Moshe Rabeinu broke
the tablets. After being in heaven for 40 days and 40 nights without
food, drink, or sleep, Moshe Rabeinu came down with the most
precious Luhot. These Luhot represented his "life’s work". They were
the heavenly tablets that Moshe was going to present to the Jewish
nation. When he descended from the mountain he witnessed the
Jews sinning with the golden calf, and immediately threw down and
broke the Luhot. The Torah ends with the words " לעיני כל ישראל ", and
Rashi explains that this refers to Moshe breaking the Luhot in front of
the eyes of all the Jews. This is considered Moshe’s greatest act of
his career. Why is this so?! Why is breaking the Luhot greater than
any other act that Moshe performed on behalf of the Jews?! It was
because this act personified the selflessness of Moshe Rabeinu. It
was not about him, it was only about the אמת , and doing what was
right and nothing else. Even though Moshe invested much effort to
produce these Luhot, he did not hesitate to throw them down if he felt
that was the proper thing to do.
Sometimes we become so involved in a project that when we
realize we may be mistaken in something, we fight and try to push it
through because we are "too far to turn back". It becomes about us
and our efforts, and not about the truth (there was a recent study
done by the wall street journal that showed that 7 out of 10 theses
done by professors have flaws that the professors know about! They
just were too deep into the theory to concede that they were wrong!)
The Chatan breaks a glass in order to remind himself of the
lesson of Moshe Rabeinu’s breaking the Luhot. It symbolizes that we
must remember not to let ourselves get in the way of what is right.
Many times in an argument, we forget exactly what it is we disagree
on, and it becomes only about us and our egos. The Chatan is
reminded as he is about to start this new relationship. That just like
these great men, he should not be ashamed to admit if he is
incorrect, and not let his ego stand in the way of peace. Like Moshe
Rabeinu breaking the Luhot, the Chatan too should do what’s right
without putting himself first.
5. The purpose of marriage is to fulfill the Misvah of פרו ורבו and to have
children. When Rachel Imenu had a baby after so many years of
waiting she named him אסף אלקים את חרפתי" .יוסף " she declared.
"Hashem has gathered in my shame". Rashi explains that until now,
when something broke around the house, Rachel had no one else to
blame. There was no one else in her house! Now that she had a
child, the blame was shifted to the child, and she was no longer to
blame for everything that happened. The breaking of a vessel thus
stands for having children. It represents the relief that Rachel felt after
so many years of being barren. The breaking of the glass done by the
Chatan symbolizes the purpose of marriage –having children.
Having children is an integral part of Shalom Bayit. A child in
the home breaks the tension between husband and wife. It creates an
important diversion, so that the man and woman are not focusing
solely on each other which lead to micro analyzing and bickering. The
nine words that a man tells a woman in order to marry her ("הרי את
מקודשת לי בטבעת זו כדת משה וישראל") , represents the 9 months of
pregnancy in order to have a child. This is the purpose of marriage
and is integral in keeping a peaceful home.
6. Shelomo Hamelech wrote in Kohelet (chapter 7 Pasuk 2) "טוב ללכת אל
בית אבל מלכת אל בית משתה" (it is better to go to a house of mourning
than to go to a house of feasting [a wedding]). Why is Shelomo
Hamelech comparing a funeral to a wedding?? They don’t seem to
have anything in common! Wouldn’t it have been better for Shelomo
Hamelech to compare things that are similar, and then teach us what
is more important?! We understand what a funeral has to do with
death, but what does a wedding have to do with it?? The answer lies
with the very reason why we get married. The purpose of marriage is
to have children, and thereby continue the existence of the world. We
realize that we are not going to be here forever, and it is therefore
necessary to leave over a legacy and a continuation for the future. In
this way, marriage does indeed symbolize the idea that one day we
will be gone, and this is its similarity to a funeral that prompted
Shelomo Hamelech to compare them. They both remind a person of
his fragility it is only that a funeral does so more vividly.
We find many times at a wedding, under the Chupah people are
moved to tears. They begin to cry but many times are not sure why.
They think perhaps because it is an emotional scene. In reality, it is
their Neshamot crying, because the Neshama senses the reason why
this marriage is taking place- we don’t live forever. This is what
causes the people to cry.
The breaking of a glass under the Chupah signifies the fragility of
mankind. Just as the "life" of a glass comes to an end with the Chatan
stepping on it. So too after 120 years we too must return our
Neshamot to Hashem. For this reason we are obligated to get
married and have children, in order to leave over of ourselves for the
future. The breaking of a glass thus represents the concept of a
wedding.
7. We break a כוס (cup) under the Chupah because the כוס stands for
דין -judgment. The Ben Ish Chai writes that the Chatan should step on
and break the same cup that had been used for the Berachot under
the Chupah. How does the כוס represent Judgment? The numerical
value of כוס is 86. This is the same numerical value as the name of
Hashem of Judgment, אלקים . By breaking the כוס the Chatan breaks
any judgment that may be on them. This is why immediately after the
Chatan breaks the cup everybody yells מזל טוב ! What greater joy than
to break !דין
8. There is a story in the Gemarah about a Rabbi Elazar ben Azariah.
When he was just 18 years old, he was asked to be the new head of
the Yeshiva and fill the position of the recently dismissed Raban
Gamliel. Rabbi Elazar consulted with his wife, and she expressed
concern over him accepting this position. "What if after a while they
get rid of you too"?! She asked. He answered her "it is worth using a
beautiful crystal cup- even if just for a short time". Meaning, it is worth
it to enjoy the benefits of being the head of the Yeshiva even if it is
only for a short time. The crystal cup mentioned in this story
represents this concept of something being worth the benefits even if
they are short lived.
When the Jewish people left Egypt on the night of Pesach, Hashem
temporarily lifted them all the way up to the 50th level of holiness.
Afterwards Hashem put them back to "ground level", and they had to
work their way back up. The obvious question is; if Hashem was not
going to leave them at this high level, why bring them up there in the
first place?? The explanation is that even though they were only on
this high spiritual level for a short time, there was a רשימה (spiritual
remnant) that stayed with them from this experience. This effect
benefited them greatly.
We see from here that even though a spiritual benefit maybe
temporary, the רושם (impact) that remains makes this well worth it!
Like walking into a perfumery and not purchasing anything, when a
person walks out he still smells beautifully! When a man and woman
get married they are on a tremendous high. The Chatan is like a king
and the bride is like a queen. There is no וידוי said in the prayers
when the Chatan is part of a Minyan. They are forgiven for all of their
sins!! The day after Sheva Berachot however, everything comes
"crashing down’. They are no longer the celebrities that they were in
the previous week, and "real life" begins. They may wonder "was it all
worth it"?? Why bother if it doesn’t last?? By instructing the Chatan to
break a glass we remind him of the glass mentioned by Rabbi Elazar
ben Azariah, which represents the idea that something short lived is
still well worth it! Even though the euphoria of the wedding fades, the
רושם and spiritual benefits that come along with it remains!! This
should encourage the bride and groom to realize the great and long
lasting advantages of their marriage.
9. The Pasuk says in Bereshit "על כן יעזב איש את אביו ואת אמו ודבק באשתו
והיו לבשר אחד" -"therefore a man shall leave his parents and cling to
his wife and they shall be one flesh". The Torah instructs a man to
"leave" his parents house, but does not command the woman to
leave her parents house. Why is this so? A man’s role in a marriage
is to be a משפיע -a giver. His job is to provide for his wife and family,
and be a giver not a taker. This is manifested in several ways one of
which is having children. The man gives and the woman accepts. The
Torah instructs a man to leave his parent’s house- where until now he
had been a "taker" living off the kindness of his parents- and to now
begin a life as a giver and to provide for his wife. The wife on the
other hand, has no such obligation and is therefore not required to
leave her parents house.
This was part of the mistake of Adam Harishon. Instead of being the
spiritual "giver" and leading his wife in spirituality, he listened to her
advice to eat from the tree, and followed her instead of her following
him. This represented a פגם -a defect, and at a wedding we come to
try and rectify this פגם of Adam Harishon.
The Berachot that we recite under the Chupah contain references to
Adam and Chava. We say " כשמחך יצירך בגן עדן מקדם "-"like you made
joyful the ones you formed (Adam and Chava) in Gan Eden from the
earliest times". We also say " יוצר האדם ". We are coming to be מתקן
and fix the mistake of Adam, by uniting in marriage, with each spouse
knowing their proper roles.
The cup is a vessel that is a receptacle. It represents receiving, and
does not represent giving. It accepts and hold the liquid poured into it.
The Chatan takes the cup and breaks it. This symbolizes the Chatan
no longer being someone that is a receiver or a "taker". He is now a
married man, and must be a giver. He must "leave" his parents house
and lead his wife on the proper path. When a couple has their
respective roles clear, they fix the mistake of Adam Harishon and
they merit growing to great spiritual heights together.
These are only a few of the reasons behind the Minhag of a Chatan
breaking a glass under the Chupah. Our Minhagim are full of meaning and
symbolisms! May we merit observing all of our wonderful customs
meticulously, and continue our wonderful traditions. Amen!
